i_rabbit

My runes are speaking again with a very consistent message. Three times in the past week, two days in a row, I have placed the rune back in the bag, stirred them around, and drawn out; Raido - Communication, Union, Reunion. Journeying in consciousness, an evolution of your spirit.

“This Rune is concerned with communication, with the attunement of something that has two sides, two elements, and with the ultimate reunion that comes as the end of the journey, when what is above and what is below are united and of one mind. The journey is the soul’s journey. Moreover, the approach of that which is above and that which is below is realized from inmost sentiment rather than through the force of circumstances. A simple prayer for the soul’s journey is:

I will to will Thy will.

Such a prayer of intention is proper on almost any occasion, and is particularly suitable as a preamble to healing. Raido is another of the Runes in the Cycle of Self-Transformation.

Inner worth mounts here, and at such a time we must remember that we are not intended to rely entirely on our own power, but to ask what constitutes right action. Ask through prayer, through addressing your own knowing, your body knowing, the Witness Self, the Teacher Within. Once you are clear, you can neutralize your refusal to let right action flow through you. Not intent on movement, be content to wait, keep on removing resistance. As the obstructions give way, all remorse arising from “trying to make it happen” dissapears.

As always, the journey is toward self-healing, self-change and union. You are concerned here with nothing less than unobstructed, perfect union. But the union of Heaven and Earth cannot be forced. Keep within your limits, Regulate any excesses in your life. Material advantages must not weigh heavily on this journey of the self toward the Self.

Trust your own process - that is the essence of this Rune. Keep on cutting away illusions. Stand apart even from like-minded others; the notion of strength in numbers does not apply at this time, for this part of the journey can not be shared. Innermost feeling, spontaneously expressed is what is called for now. Raido urges you to undertake your journey, your quest - and if you already have begun, to continue.”

~ Ralph Blum, Book of Runes

And so I continue…already fording.

The concrete guys actually showed up yesterday and built the forms for the floor - the pour is scheduled for 8am tomorrow!

Finally I will be able to begin buying the materials and building walls. w00+!

Speaking of forms, we had yet another new instructor in class this morning subbing for Douglas. It has been a little difficult to settle into my usual rhythm in class because each one has their own pace and variations on the vinyasas. On the positive side, each one brings a new idea to the class or a new pointer on how to approach breathing, asanas, etc. This morning Greg suggested dedicating practice to something/someone different than usual and noting how/if the practice felt different. I dedicated today to my children and noted that my focus was much more ‘playful’ than usual - hmmm…

We are what we focus our minds on - the outer reflects the inner.

Reminds me of a book Jo gave me a few years back entitled As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen. Good food for thought, munch-munch.

I have been doing a lot of reading lately on various concepts of thinking and the mind, neurolinguistic programming, and therapeutic methodologies for managing self-change. One of the new ideas this has exposed me to is Gestalt Therapy - addressing change in the entire being, not just isolated areas. Many of the ideas that went into the founding of this methodology came from a holistic approach to the self and environment drawing from both eastern and western ideas. I read an essay yesterday by Magda Denes entitled Paradoxes in the Therapeutic Relationship where she lists six common paradoxes that emerge in traditional ‘Freudian’ approaches to relationships. The sixth one resonated with my own experience over the past few months:

The basic framework of psychotherapy is benevolence. Within that framework, the patient is placed through a punishing ordeal which varies with the type of therapy. In other words, the patient gets consistently disapproved of until he spontaneously “changes.” (my emphasis)

Now I am approaching this not from the perspective of psychotherapy, as I have no therapist, but rather how individuals form various relationships (most often subconsciously) to work through some of these issues of self-change. I can see many ways in all of my relationships where my actions (or inactions!) led to disapproval by others to the point of a breakdown, which triggered spontaneous change. Strip yourself down to the core - ground zero - begin anew. For me this occurred around February 28th when, feeling the lowest I had in years, I woke one morning, felt the rain on my face, and was suddenly renewed.

On that day I took direct action in several areas of my life, I began changing my entire gestalt, not just one aspect, but all areas; work, home, family, friends, lovers. Looking back I can see it as that crucial moment when the ’spontaneous change’ happened and I started taking new actions (or choosing action over inaction). Now one month later I see, feel, think, differently. I don’t have ‘all the answers’ yet, but I intuitively know that I am on the right path, that the changes I have made in my thinking and behavior feel qualitatively different and that my environment is responding in new and more positive ways. It will be interesting to come back to this in a few months (or years) and note how my entire gestalt has changed and how my outward environment reflects the internal.

One of the things I need most to work on is attachment, in general, and in particular; jealousy. Jealousy is my abyss!

Damn concrete guys didn’t show yesterday but they did call and assure me that it is first on their list next week. Weather is preventing me from being productive in the yard today so I am chilling with the kids, coffee and a book. The first big trance party of the ’season’ is tonight and I can’t wait to dance my ass off and reconnect with old friends. It seems like such a long time coming but the spring is returning to my step.

*oot - OOT - oot - OOT*
live.light.long.stomp.doof.dance.shake.make.bake.take.cake.eat.beat.feet.deep
*oot - OOT - oot - OOT*

:)

I finished getting the shop completely cleared out tonight. The concrete guys come in tomorrow and set up the forms and mesh and they are scheduled to pour the new level floor on Monday. I can then start framing walls, windows, entryway, outlets, sheet-rock, mud, paint, laying floor, tiling bathroom, installing fixtures, kitchen cabinets, stove, fridge, sink…

*phew*

Now where did I put that IKEA catalog?

I have been meditating every night before retiring. Emptying my mind (Pratyahara) and focusing (Dharana) on a mortar & pestle that is on my altar. While I am emptying I use a beaded necklace to count breaths and last night I got curious afterward how many beads/breaths there were. I counted 52 then it occurred to me that this is coincidentally(?) the number of the hexagram for meditation in the I Ching.

Hexagram 52

Keeping Still. Keeping his back still
So that he no longer feels his body.
He goes into his courtyard
And does not see his people.
No blame.

This past week it has been much easier for me to see things, situations, relationships, as they really are without all the emotional processing that I have been preoccupied with lately. This has helped me remain calm and know that sometimes the ‘correct’ thing to do is nothing - keep still - absorb.

Douglas quoted a great sutra in class today reminding us that within each of us contains everything we need and it is perfect as it is without external striving. I need to ask him which one that was before he leaves town for three weeks.

File under things that make you go hmmm…

“Egalitarianism can trigger a psychic chain-reaction?” ~zentences

I am experiencing an incredible lightness of being. Over the course of the past week I have been consciously letting go of attachments. Letting go the past, remaing in the NOW, and trying not to project into the future in my thoughts. I now feel as though I am at ground zero, an empty cup, and ready to accept new life emerging like a sprout. I am standing in the SuperUnknown and there is no fear, no tears, only wonder and a feeling of being truly alive. As part of this emergence I am also devoting myself to following the Eight Limbs of Raja Yoga for the duration of this season:

1. Yamas - The Yamas, or restraints, are divided into five moral injuctions, aimed at destroying the lower nature. They should all be practiced and developed by the letter but also more importantly in the spirit. They should all be practiced in word, thought and deed.
   • Ahimsa or non-violence
   • Satyam or truthfulness
   • Brahmacharya or moderation in all things
   • Asteya or non-stealing
   • Aparigraha or non-covetousness
2. Niyamas - The Niyamas, or observances, are also divided into five and complete the ethical precepts started with the Yama.. These qualities are:
   • Saucha or purity - this internal and external cleanliness
   • Santosha or contentment
   • Tapas or austerity
   • Swadhyaya or study of the sacred texts
   • Ishwara Pranidhana which is constantly living with an awareness of the Divine Presence
3. Asanas - Postures
4. Pranayama - regulation or control of the breath. Asanas and Pranayama form the sub-division of Raja Yoga known as Hatha-Yoga
5. Pratyahara - withdrawal of the senses in order to still the mind.
6. Dharana - concentration. The last 3 steps constitute the internal practice of Raja Yoga. When Dharana is achieved, it leads to the next step:
7. Dhyana - meditation is that state of pure thought and absorption in the object of meditation. There is still duality in Dhyana. When mastered Dhyana leads to the last step:
8. Samadhi - the superconscious state. In Samadhi non-duality or oneness is experienced. This is the deepest and highest state of consciousness where body and mind have been transcended and the Yogi is one with the Self or God.

Realistically I can only hope to make progress in the first five of these during the next three months as 6-8 can take a lifetime. But I intend to keep a journal (some of it here) and see what a difference in my life this dicipline will bring.

Nameste!

I feel this strange paradox in my life right now. The growing light of spring is bringing renewed physical energy while at the same time my psyche is wanting to retreat, hibernate, and digest all of the change that has occurred in the past six months. It is easy to direct the physical energy into productive things like building a home but it is often difficult to keep it from spilling over into ego driven clinging to either the illusion of memories or striving for a definition of “who I am going to be.” It is also strange how I feel an inner calling to be a man of strong will, in a leading position, “a man who is their centre of union,” yet I have no clue how this will manifest and my efforts lately have fallen short. The queues the cosmos are sending seem so contradictory lately with many things struggling to take form.

Of this Granny Ching says:

Hexagram 20 - Contemplation

Contemplation of my life
Decides the choice
Between advance and retreat.

“This is the place of transition. We no longer look outward to receive pictures that are more or less limited and confused, but direct out contemplation on ourselves in order to find a guideline for our decisions. This self-contemplation means the overcoming of naive egotism in the person who sees everything solely form his own standpoint. He begins to reflect and in this way acquires objectivity. However, self-knowledge does not mean preoccupation with one’s own thoughts; rather, it means concern about the effects one creates. It is only the effects our lives produce that give us the right to judge whether what we have done means progress or regression.”

I need to allow myself to mentally sit quietly and watch this movie unfold while channeling my physical power into the task at hand in the moment…

Today, at 1:45 p.m., PST, Judge Eric B. Watness pronounced my marriage to Joanna B. Bond legally dissolved.

Kinda up-and-down weekend. It began with a nice dinner and drinks Friday night with L.A. On Saturday I was busy with the MonsterGarage and keeping one eye on the chittlins. Jo was off getting certified as a Children’s Yoga Instructor and will begin teaching soon. (Yay Jo!) I took the kids to see Robots! too. They loved it but I confess to actually nodding off a few times…kinda rolie-pollie-olie with a formulaic Hollywood script and the ever-present Robin Williams voice-over…zzzZZZzzz…

Saturday night I had the strangest dream. It all took place in a single room apartment. A little studio with asymmetrical walls. Everything, walls, floor, ceiling, was painted crimson red, with a six-inch high concrete ‘wall’ dividing the room in half. To the right was a kitchenette and table with one chair - to the left, a single white enameled claw-foot tub, no toilet, and a coat rack along the wall. The whole scene was like Twin Peaks when the backwards talking man is with Agent Cooper and people come and go, like time lapse, leaving trails in their wake. Eventually they all left and I was standing alone in the threshold looking in. I had the urge to pee and since there was no toilet I went to the tub. As I began I felt a wave of joy wash over me and looked down…I was urinating blood. I woke up from that very unsettled but reminded of line in a Kahlil Gibran poem, “To be wounded by your own understanding of love; and to bleed willingly and joyfully.” It was a pretty emotional morning after that but I allowed it all to flow through me, honor the passing, and let it go.

I finished getting the shop cleared out on Sunday and then came full circle with L.A. who joined us for Sunday dinner. Aftarwards Jo and I reviewed all the paperwork that we have to bring before the judge tomorrow afternoon and had a long reflective talk about the choices we have made; how it feels right to us even though it is often difficult to explain to others.

Greg’s class was a little different this morning. He just got back from some studies in New Mexico that heavily emphasized anatomical and structural alignment as a foundation for practice. We only worked on three asanas but he had some new pointers on how to really focus on alignment, and the relationship between feet and breath, to anchor the postures and maintain balance. It was in some ways far more challenging than a ‘regular’ class and I feel like my lower half has been to the chiropractor.

I will call the concrete guys today so they can schedule the floor pour. After that the rest of the work will be largely up to me to complete. Yikes! Still no word regarding the job…

11:20am update: they decided to go with the other candidate - ritzenfratzen-fratzenritzen!

Well, I didn’t notice that the numbers on my clock were blinking when I set the alarm last night so I didn’t wake up in time for yoga. I did about 45 mins at home instead. Made into work on time for my 9am interview and the interviewer (my boss) was late…see I am qualified for the job ;)

I should hear something late tomorrow. (fingers crossed)

I also found out that the entire gas line from the meter to the shop needs to be sized up to meet the new demand of the heater/stove and it ain going to be cheap. (sigh) Oh, well it is nice to see so much progress being made in life.

I had to hurry from yoga to work this morning so I wouldn’t be late for the first of seven interviews today. I am interviewing for my bosses job as QA Manager. The first one went well, and the second (my boss) had to reschedule, so I have a few moments to collect myself. The next interview is with the VP of the division I am in.

b r e a t h e . . .

I just realized that it is past 4pm and I haven’t had a cup of coffee today - and my head is not pounding either…it has otherwise been an affirmational day of rest.

I am looking forward to week two of daily yoga and seeing what other benefits unfold. I was able to touch nose-to-knee in Uttanasana this morning and all the soreness I had from the week (hamstrings, ribcage) has dissipated now.