i_rabbit

(Reporting from the Top Pot, Capitol Hill, WA)

Trying to grok anyone from an online profile is like trying to see all of a room by peeking through the keyhole, like trying to taste cereal from the picture on the box, or judge a book by its cover, or smell the flowers through the window of your living room. I am damn glad that I have the courage to;

Throw open the doors
enter.
Tear open the box
taste.
Open to the word revealed
within.
Walk barefoot this way
ALIVE!

The crazy duck, llama, and accordian player, are all that and more. I am glad to call them friend…

Some interesting synchronicities are occurring in my life again involving crows. Last July I had an experience with some crows who nested in my cherry tree. I felt they were somehow not just there to annoy, but bringing me a message of great change. I feel now in retrospect they did just that as my spiritual and emotional life soon did change significantly. The crows seem to be making a reappearance perhaps bringing a new message or just checking on my progress.

The other day I was sitting on the couch reading an article in Yoga Journal about using intense emotions as a path to growth when a crow appeared on the entry way roof right outside the picture window. It cawed and I looked up. It was staring right at me through the window. Then it flew across the street, landed next to another crow. That bird then flew over and landed in the same spot. For about 30 seconds we sat staring directly into each others eyes. It cawed once more bobbing its head up and down a few times, then flew back to its mate, who then flew back, made eye contact, cawed, then they both flew off out of site together. I sat bemused and wondered if they were my friends from last July back to taunt me again. I sat and thought about the article and what I believed they were harbingers of then, all the intense emotions that I have experienced since, and the possible significance of their return. I wrote a few days back about how I have been feeling a subtle emotional undercurrent, very similar to then, like something is about to change again in my life. Last night a crow appeared in my dream as well, cawed, and I awoke, sweating and very much aware of the intense emotions that I need to channel into positive growth. Perhaps this is a signal.

Today in class some of this manifested at a physical level for me. I was able for the first time to go fully into Bakasana, which is alternately called crane, or crow pose! I have never been able to hold this pose, usually keeping one foot grounded for balance, but today it seemed effortless and I was able to hold it for several relaxed cycles of breath.

I am filing this under things that make you go hmmm…

Wow - yoga was really powerful this morning. I had a slight hangover that enabled me to let go a little and just be present with breath, and the flow of the asanas - focusing on balance instead of form.

At the end of class Douglas turned the lights off and encouraged some of us to take up Virasana instead of Savasana and he provided a guided meditation into the void between self and other that brought tears to my eyes. It was strange in that there was no emotional trigger, or attachment, merely a physical response to the process.

My yoni mudra practice is starting to show results. The challenge is to not be attached to those results, but rather to just experience them as they happen in the moment.

I slept a nice 10.75 hours last night and skipped yoga this morning. My ribs are still sore and could use a break. Everyone was so damn happy at the cafe this morning, smiling, complimenting, etc. Seattle is so bi-polar like that, a little sunshine and folks flip like a switch, not that I’m complaining or anything. Nothing like the sun!

Lots of shop work planned for the weekend and tentative gardening plans taking shape. I think I have figured out how to dog-proof the terrace.

Evening Edition:

The plumber finished all the vents for the kitchen and bath today! Now I can focus on the shower surround and sheetrock this weekend and begin tile next week.

I awaken today
from my canvas
into a world
waiting to be filled
with the breath of creation.
A sketch of form here,
a splash of vibrancy there.
Now taking root
and organically growing
into living color.
Feet firmly grounded,
mind softly focused
on the Goddess
in my heart;
here lies Eden.

Today’s show is brought to you by the letter ‘F’, as in Family, Fellowship, and Fsck’n Ouch!

First, my family is the most important thing in the world to me. I nurture and love ALL of you.

Secondly (and very much related) I feel a sense of fellowship returning to my relationships. I can’t really describe how or why, but it is there accompanied by a deep sense of understanding and compassion. I trust the feeling. Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Also had an unusual class today. We did mostly static and inverted postures on the wall. At one point Douglas came around to make adjustments by standing on peoples backs. When he was releasing off mine, my left lower rib popped - Ouch! - but I seem to be fine now.

There I said it. I am feeling FINE today!

Douglas is back from his residency. It was good to feel the flow of his vinyasas again. I often repeat his mantra mentally throughout the day; “please remember that Ujjayi Pranayama is available to you throughout the day…“

Soooo…sleepy…this morning . . . thinking about something Greg said about the inevitability of self and other intermingling, influencing, stirring, (shaken not stirred?) us to activity and being able to witness that activity without concern for the fruit of the labor. Viewing the self as an anchor that can be drawn or set mindfully; remaining underway or alone with breath.

Long Division

Rain returning
a gray remainder,
subtracting the sum,
of night moves spilling
into one with this urge.

Waking from a dream
walking the cat past sleeping dogs
taking out the trash
in a twice used bag
stepping on wet grass.

Using long division (?) Shaken not stirred
calculate the difference;
-1 + 1 = somewhere in between.
A momentary glimpse of potentials
leading us here.

~ me

“A culture of gratitude begins with me!” ~ zentences

1) Chai and brownies are the last thing a yogi needs to eat at 9pm (o O)
2) “Lasso” is not a good way to use your S’s when playing Scrabble.
3) Dogs act strangely when they miss their people.

Mannaz - The Self (reversed)

The starting point is the Self. Its essence is water. Only clarity, willingness to change, is effective now. A correct relationship to youself is primary, for from it flow all possible correct relationships with others and with the Divine.

If you feel you are blocked, this Rune urges you to begin by being clear with yourself - facing up, admitting, releasing, whatever it takes. Do not turn to others now, but look inside, in silence, for the enemy of your progress. No matter what area of your life seems to be blocked, stop and reconsider. You will recognize the outer “enemy” as but a reflection of what you have not, until now, been able or willing to recognize as coming from within.

Above all do not give youself airs. Breaking the momentum of past habits is the challenge here: In the life of the Spirit you are always at the beginning.

~ The Book of Runes

Finished framing the bathroom and kitchen walls today. Yay. Now for a shower, dinner and a luau later with the cheezie crew, maybe I’ll get lei’d…

I figured out how to pay for my ongoing yoga practice. After six weeks I can’t imagine not continuing. It’s a simple formula:

Weekly coffee card at Elbasha = $20 x 6 months = /~ $480.00
Six-month unlimited pass to 8 Limbs = $425.00

Wow, I can even afford to buy some new threads with the difference. Where’s my fashion consultant?

“Does drinking coffee interfere with yoga? No, yoga interferes with drinking coffee!”
~ Jo Bond

In other news:

I spent the day yesterday home with a *cough* - no really, and all these materials magically showed up in the shop; drywall, backerboard, tile, mortar, lights, door knobs, etc. By evening I was feeling much *better* so I went out and danced the night away. Cheb i Sabbah was spinning some new jungle flavored tunes. Very nice - great energy in the house.

Jo and the kids went to Montana for the week so I need to stay busy to stay sane. Lots of work remaining.

having a crappy day. i overslept my yoga class. it’s cold and rainy. i miss my wayward lover. my boss has unrealistic expectations. astronomical repair bill on the car. my back aches…

ME(fuckin’)H!