i_rabbit

Dear Readers,

I sit and watch the clock count down to 11:00 am when I have to go to a meeting whereby my employer shall spell out the terms of my continued employment. For the next six weeks I will be on probation. This will necessitate my being scarce elsewhere in my life. I really need to buckle down and focus on this home building and career maintenance. Everything else is trivial right now. I have to fix my Self and correct my relationship to the rest of the world by strengthening the foundation on which my life stands. The past four months have left me emotionally spent and I could use lots of positive energy from all my friends and family to get though this trial. I appreciate each and every one of you and with your help I can get through this better than I am now.

Thanks,

Michael

sooo fscking glad this week is over…

To my self: To finish that which I have started. To be honest, virtuous, and true. To be a superior man.

To others: To finish that which I have started. To be honest, virtuous, and true. To be mindful of the effects of my actions on you.

To my family: To finish that which I have started. To be honest, virtuous, and true. To be the best father I can be.

To my employer: To finish that which I have started. To be honest, virtuous, and true. To provide leadership where it is sorely lacking.

To someone who stands falsely accused: You have revealed the folly of my thoughts and deeds and helped me to understand that honesty, virtue and truth are sometimes best manifested in live and let life unfold. That there are often many reasons for maybe. I believe you.

I choose to live and let love - I have a lot of work to do…

Got the stuff done that needed to get done but missed the Revenge of the Sith. Oh well. Contractors should start tomorrow… Where have I heard that before? I have been really challenged by one of my pet peeves ALOT lately; when people say they are going to do something and then don’t. Like call, or show up for work, or remain commited to a stated goal. Especially people that can’t say yes, and can’t say no, who would prefer to keep you guessing in ambiguity.

To all these noncommittal people I have been faced with: COMMIT THIS!

There. How’s that for compassion? I feel a little better at least… Part of the intensity of this feeling might be my own recognition of how I have done this in the past and how I am seeking to rectify it now. Eliminating ‘maybe’ from common usage has proved a useful tool. Really. Count the number of times a day you use it and ask yourself; “Why am I choosing maybe instead of yes or no?”

Special thanks to the following people who went out of their way to commit to bringing moments of shared pleasure into our world this weekend:

K.C. - for the really nice party full of stories from Havana, trick shots, and *HOTT* yoga ball action.
Sona - for dragging me kicking and screaming to a three-headedly monstrous book tour. It WAS way better than TV! *squeeze*
Peter - for the extended test drive. Weeeeeee!

I can see c l e a r l y now!!!

I called the optical shop because my glasses were supposed to be in by yesterday. They have the frames in and after a few calls, found out that one of the lenses shattered while the UV coating was being applied. They have to start that lens all over now and I have to wait up to four more days. Grrr…

In the good news dept. I have located a contractor to finish off the remaining major tasks in the shop: frame the front entryway & ‘climbing wall’, install six windows, three doors, rough sheetrock, relocate the fuse box, several switches, and install the par lights in the hall. That should take all next week while I can focus on the bathroom tile installation, painting, floor installation, and trim.

This weekend I will be moving all the stuff out of the loft and installing the floor boards permanently, then framing off the bedroom half-wall. Try to squeeze in Atira’s art-opening, mow the lawn, kid duty, and sleep?

Sounds easy huh?

Where’s Jennif? I think I need a clone…

run rabbit godspeed
away from old pattern’d thoughts
enter into light

run rabbit freely
into the superunknown
your future awaits

run rabbit willing
boldness and daring in love
already fording

I picked up the remainder of the windows and shower doors yesterday at HomeDepot. Went to IKEA today with the kids to purchase the bath and kitchen cabinets, sinks, and the hardwood floor. I have decided (budget be damned!) to hire a contracter to finish the big stuff - frame entryway, rough out sheetrock, window installation and electrical - so I can expedite this project. This has taken way too long trying to do it all by myself. I want to be moved in by June 15th for everyone’s sanity. I also think I need to get a FileBeast of my very own…

Note to self: renew your drivers license dammit!

What with the combination of free drinks last night (because I taught the new bartender how to make a white russian!?), dancing until 2am, three hours sleep, Greg decides to focus on hip flexors this morning, now sitting at a desk for 7 hours… I think I am going to need a wheelchair to get home! It was worth it however - great tribal house rhythms and drumming from Osiris & Co. to lose my self in (:B

“He dissolves his self. No remorse.” ~ Granny Ching

“Celibacy tempts The Fates” ~ zentences

Grrrrrr… So true!

I ordered my new glasses today. They promised me within four days I would be able to see The Fates more clearly. I wonder if that was a money-back guarantee?

This weekend was a well balanced mix of work and play.

On Saturday I measured and cut all the backerboard for the shower surround then headed out for Baba Ganooj and a walk through the park with my new friend Sona - nice grounding influence!

Sunday I cooked SillyRabbit™ for the family and tried to call mom but she was out square dancing so I left a nice message. Jo and I discussed putting Si down soon as he seems to be getting worse. The tumor on his right side is pretty large and he does not like it to be touched. He spends all his time sleeping and has even lost most of his will to bark at strangers. This is going to be an agonizing decision. By midday I finished screwing all the backerboard in place then had tea and Scrabble with Kimra. She kicked my ass as is usually the case. Later, Peter picked me up for a ride in his new MiNi Cooper ‘S’ - Weeeeee! - then we hung out, had pizza and spun a set of ragga, jump-up, and breaks. I feel like we are just about ready to record a set and try to get into an open deck night at Contour.

Sleep came easily and deep into Monday morning. Back to testing this little project of mine…this could just change everything in the helixcommunity testing effort - w00+!

Look for new pics soon…

The past few days have felt strangely like the scenes in the matrix where things slow down and the camera pans around a central figure as viewed from another vantage point. More as a witness than participant. It was like this in a dream last night too.

I was in a grove of trees, looking down at my self. Seeing people passing by, leaving blurry trails of color in their wake. New growth pushing up through composting earth. Tendrils of light streaming from my heart chakra and feeling the entire spectrum of emotions simultaneously. Standing there naked, head back and arms outstretched, in the grace of god(dess).

Life, death, rebirth . . . b r e a t h i n g . . . AWAKE!

There are times when you realize that what once seemed like a freeway is really a cul de sac leading you back to where you began. If you’re lucky you experience a little beauty, make new friends, or learn something along the way, but ultimately you have to continue along the road you started from. Today I find myself back at the crossroad with only a righteous turn ahead;

returning to tao
i walk alone embracing
the superunknown

Happy Beltane!

I was hanging out with my new friend (and neighbor!) Sona yesterday. One of her friends (Annette?) came over after work with a new tarot deck and the subject quickly turned to divination, something we all share in common. Sona had a really fascinating deck called the OH Tarot pictured above. It is unique in that there are two decks of 88 cards each. One is of paintings, one of words, and each frames a painting with a word card. The querent draws one of each and places the picture within the word card and derives meaning from the exploration of the combinations. Unlike other traditional decks there are no rules or pre-determined interpretations per se. I found the readings produced were amazingly personal and succinct in their directness. Might have to explore that one some more.

We all went out to dinner, had fried tofu and discussed spiritual vampires, dog language, and the ever thinning veil between worlds. (I’m sure they are all connected somehow) When we returned Sona’s friend gave me another reading to further explore some of the meaning derived from the OH deck earlier. It was with a more traditional ‘Thoth’ based deck and she did a Celtic cross spread. There were so many wands! (8-10, Princess & Queen) and the Death card in this deck had a lot of fire in it too. During the reading we walked through the positions and I asked her about the 6 Cups crossing The Hermit in the center and how it related to the progression of the wands. She asked me to draw three more cards so we could clarify the 8 of wands in the final position. As I did I turned over the Queen of Cups (Scorpio) and the smoke alarm went off! There was no reason for this to occur - nothing in the oven, no one smoking, the windows were open, etc.

It. Just. Went. Off…

We all decided that there was entirely too much spiritual fire on the table and that it was probably time to put the cards away and watch Farscape. Hazmana!